cat /proc/claus

Ok, I’ve written already three posts for today, but I couldn’t leave this one pass. From this month’s internet Oracle:

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Oh mighty Oracle, so wise and all-knowing, whose knowledge and
> wisdom are known throughout the land, I come before thee with a
> question that has plagued me for a time, and half a time again.
> What is the secret to understanding women?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Lack of understanding between men and women is a common problem.
} Luckily for you, The Oracle has come along to explain it all.
}
} Men are simple beasts, they like food, sex, and shiny toys.
} When they want something, they’ll ask for it, usually in a short
} sentence of simple words, for example
} “I’m hungry” means they’re hungry.
} “I’m horny” means they want sex.
} “I want to play (some computer game)” means they want to play with
} their shiny toys.
}
} Women are also simple beasts, they like food, sex, and shiny toys.
} When they want something, they will drop subtle hints, sometimes
} verbal code, sometimes using body-language cues, sometimes via mental
} telepathy. For example
} “Isn’t is getting dark early these days” means I’m hungry, let’s eat
} “Isn’t it getting dark early these days” means I’m horny, let’s go to
} bed early tonight
} “Isn’t it getting dark early these days” means it’s a long time since
} you bought me a shiny toy
}
} Men, simple beasts that they are, take all 3 of the above as a comment
} on the advancing season, or an invitation to discuss the astronomical
} basis for variation in day length.
}
} Meanwhile women, accustomed as they are to speaking in code, assume
} men do the same.
}
} So, his “I’m hungry” gets interpreted by her as “your ass looks very
} fat today” or “I’d like to have sex with that woman over there” or even
} “my hovercraft is full of eels”. Strangely, the more innocent, direct
} and obvious a comment, the more likely it is to be interpreted as some
} subtle insult. She takes offence, he notices and asks “what’s wrong?”
} to which she replies “nothing”. There ensues an escalating exchange
} during which she continues to deny anything is wrong while getting more
} and more angry at him for failing to apologise for the ‘insult’.
} Meanwhile, he knows she is angry, and gets more and more frustrated at
} her refusal to tell him why.
}
} And so it continues, generation after generation.
} Men still aren’t mind-readers, and women are still mad at them for it.
} ‘Twas ever thus, and ever shall it be.
}
} You owe The Oracle a female-to-English dictionary.

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